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Jan 13, 7:15 PM "Why is rouge so lame i mean she subpost to be super strong and fly i thought"
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Dec 30, 8:12 AM "Nice car!"
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Oct 31, 9:30 PM "Ah, yeah. I got the Sea Monkeys based on ads from my dad's retro comic books. (As far as I..."
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Oct 07, 8:40 PM "I remember ordering this set as a kid and being intensely disappointed at their flatness and that they weren't the..."
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Sep 22, 1:47 PM "Brillniace for free; your parents must be a sweetheart and a certified genius."
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In case the podcasts didn’t clue you in, Bill (my intrepid “co-host”) is a huge dork. He knows a lot about comic books, hero clicks, RPGs and dork stuff in general.
He won a Star Wars card competition for crying out loud… and if that’s not bad enough, he traveled 6.5 hours to Chicago to play in it.
He wears t-shirts with comic book themes. He purchased the Hulk AND the Incredible Hulk TV series, and I’m pretty sure he wears Spiderman thongs, although that’s unconfirmed (thank god).
In order to prove how big a dork Billy actually is, I’ve compiled the following list:
- Has a comic book collection in which all of his several hundred books are in mint condition, protected with backer-boards and plastic slip covers.
- Has a massive Hero Clicks collection.
- Has a toy collection.
- Has a Massive baseball card collection.
- Has Star Wars posters on his wall.
- Owns all Star Wars DVDs as well as the original Star Wars VHS tapes.
- Eats Cheetos.
- Owns and wears more than one comic book t-shirt.
- Former Star Wars RPG player.
- Knows obscure Star Wars facts, including character names and bios.
- Likes cartoons.
- Dressed up for at least one Star Wars movie premier.
If all that isn’t enough to convince you that he’s a dork, then surely his vacation pics from Universal Studios will.
That’s Bill in the middle. He’s wearing a Cheetos shirt. As you can see, he’s posing with two former hookers who are now employed by Universal to make complete idiots of themselves every single day of their lives. I’m not sure the one on the right qualifies as a Woman.
This second photo features Bill in a he-man pose with Captain America. Even though Bill is still wearing a Cheetos shirt and sporting the grin of a pre-pubescent boy who’s hopped up on Lucky Charms and Saturday morning cartoons; and even though Cap looks like he could pummel Bill in to a bloody pulp, Cap’n A is still managing to out-dork Bill! Amazing!
Even though I’ve given Bill the internet bashing of his life, I will say he’s one of my best friends. Despite his dork tendencies, nay lifestyle, he does wash on a semi-regular basis and likes to drink beer. He’s a great friend (hopefully still after reading this) and I wish him well. Hopefully our paths will soon cross in the upcoming Wizard convention here in Chicago where we will dork it up together!
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Well….
I’m not quite sure if I sould feel offended, flattered, or just let out a sigh and move on. I’ve never doubted that I’m a dork, but I’ve never had anyone do such a complete inventory of the reasons why. Thank you Destructar for holding up a spotlight and broadcasting it to the universe. I’ll be sure to return the favor somehow.
Bill
You’re welcome. No need to return the favor really, just doing my “job”.
Do tell Captain America “hello” for me the next time you two are wrapped in a love embrace.
When I introduced myself to the Captain I introduced myself as “Red Skull”. You should have seen the “DUH?” look on his face. It is how I knew he was an imposter. I didn’t smell any liquor on his breath though. (unlike Rouge)
And Spider-man (not seen here) did admit to getting hungry when he saw my Cheetos shirt. It was a good day for Bill.
Just a quick comment on this article. Granted I don’t know Bill, BUT judging from your article about him and your past podcasts, I think it is a little ruthless to cast him as a dork. It seems he is in good spirits about it though. I guess that is what makes good friends. Party on dude!
Wendell:
Why was it ruthless? He admits it himself. Bill IS a dork, therefore pointing it out should merely help him achieve a god-like status among my readers.
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